he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
