it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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