she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
