I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize