i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
