Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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