Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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