The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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