she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
