i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
