Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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