I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
