My first STD was from a foam party
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
When are your genitals available?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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