Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
