I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
