White coat. Heels.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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