don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
