i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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