Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Who did Billy Mays play for?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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