I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
