I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
