this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
