my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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