you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
