So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
