hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize