Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just gargled with NyQuil
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
