I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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