Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
