she woke up with a sticky ear
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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