got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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