in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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