So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
