he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
