Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
