I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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