So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
