oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
