the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize