so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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