that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
