sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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