I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize