Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
