we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
