There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
