he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
