in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
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