you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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