so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
