You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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