I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
honey bunches of taint.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
