I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
