mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
