Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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