I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
