You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Is her dick bigger than yours?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
