just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
