Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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