Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
