was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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