there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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