Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
