the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize