i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
