Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
