I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
