So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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